This may be hard for you to believe, but I almost divorced my husband over internet porn. Yes, yes, I know I write erotica but stay with me here and I’ll explain. First, you should know that I was raised in the country on a dirt road and went to a little Southern Baptist church and things just were what they were. You didn’t question anything; white was white and black was reallllllly black. <- pun intended. The first time I meet someone who was Jewish I actually said (now, this was at work mind you), ‘Awww, I’m sad you’re going to hell.’ O.o Yeah. It was bad. It wasn’t until I was much older that I even began to see other’s POV and even later that I began to accept that some of them were okay.
I also got married when I was 22, which, FYI – is really freaking young. The chick I am now at 33 hardly resembles that crazy, little thing all those years ago. I was very insecure and I have no idea why. Everyone always said nice things about me, my husband was super loving…I didn’t have a valid reason for it. So when it came to light that he was into that, my anger was immense. It became a game of cat and mouse really, I would leave traps for him to see if he came home during the day, he would try to avoid them. It was crazy. I finally got to the point where I was convinced he didn’t love me and ready to be done with the whole thing. We broke up for an entire three days until he cried and asked me to come back, vowing never to do things to upset me again. Pie crust promise as ‘ol Mary would say. Easily made, easily broken.
What changed? Well, I did, for one. I grew up, found out who I was and decided I liked her. My husband also quit working two jobs and was home more, giving me the attention I needed. I also made a friend on Twitter who posted pics from a site called Art or Porn all the time and you know, he was the sweetest fella. His wife sounded just like I used to be; very religious and holier-than-thou, and it made him so sad because he just wanted to be with her and be accepted for who he was. I think that is what opened my eyes. It was no longer something to be done in a dark alley by men trying to get away from their wives; it was something to be done together, or apart, knowing that it wasn’t a sign of a failing marriage, but a strong one. So, I began to open my mind I guess you could say. Now – the really funny thing is – the moment I convinced my husband that I was open to those things; he quit doing them so much. Perhaps I don’t sneak around and check up on him anymore because I don’t care and that’s why I think that, but these days, he’s happy looking at stuff with me or working with me on research for a new book. ;) I’m sure there are times when he’s all by his little lonely and things…happen, but it doesn’t make me think less of ‘us’ anymore. It makes me happy that he’s all by his little lonely, waiting for me.
The writing came simply from a need to create what I liked. Men and women are turned on by different things, that’s just the truth of it. And I decided to make something for women like me, who wanted a little romance with their hair pulling. So there you have it. Prude turned erotica writer. I’ve been married over ten years and we’re more intimately connected now than we were in the beginning and believe me you, anything that a married couple (be it W/M, M/M, W/W) do to keep the love alive is A-OK with me!
Here’s to the couples who’ve made it to the 10-year mark! I hope to see you through to 100 more!
